The Kissing Bridge: Cassie's Story (Hearts of Hays Series #3) Page 10

  Before she left she kneeled down and prayed.

  On her way out of the house, Meg hugged her and wished her well. “Carl’s saddling Moses for you. Take your time riding, it’s already starting to get dark.”

  At six that evening, Cassie and Silas sat before Reverend Carter. Cassie tried to make eye contact with Silas, but he avoided looking at her, keeping his head down, or looking directly at Reverend Carter instead.

  Carter said, “We’ll bow our heads in prayer—Dear heavenly Father, bless this couple who have come before us tonight with an insurmountable problem. We ask that you touch their hearts and allow their hearts and minds to remain open to advice and to speak from their hearts. We ask this in Jesus’ name. Amen.”

  Carter addressed them. “I spoke with Silas last night, and his main problem is getting past the man who courted you, Cassie. He feels that it was unfair, because while he knows he didn’t write as promised, he was in an impossible situation and couldn’t write to you. But because of his predicament, and because he did send word as soon as he could, he feels betrayed. How do you feel about this hump he’s finding hard to get over, Cassie?”

  Cassie played with the handkerchief in her hand. “I totally agree with Silas. I was wrong, and I wholeheartedly apologize. Because I hadn’t received any letters—I guess I lost faith in him and I didn’t trust that he still loved me and planned to come home and marry me. For that, I am sincerely sorry.”

  “Silas, how do you feel about Cassie’s apology?” Reverend Carter asked.

  “It doesn’t make me feel any better. I still have visions in my head of that impostor kissing her, and holding her, and touching her.” Cassie chanced a look at Silas and saw he was frowning. “When I try to envision us together I always see him between us, even though I have no idea what he looked like. I can’t get that vision out of my head, and I’m afraid it will always be there.”

  Cassie wiped tears from her eyes. “What more can I do?” she pleaded, looking at Carter.

  “You can,” Reverend Carter thumped his pen idly on the desk, “tell us how you felt with this man whom you thought was a minister.”

  “I felt safe, because I thought he was a man of God. He appeared friendly, and he said he merely wanted to be friends, so I allowed him to be. We did innocent things like take walks, and such. He kissed me, once, and I didn’t like it at all, because I immediately compared him to Silas, and his kiss felt dry and emotionless by comparison.” She paused to wipe away tears. “The day he touched my breast, he had his arm around me as we talked, and his hand hung casually over my shoulder. As he talked, his hand inched closer and closer to my breast, and I didn’t say anything, but I watched it closely. Then he simply, but purposely, brushed his hand against me. That’s all it was.”

  “And how did you react to that touch?” Carter asked.

  “I stood up and yelled at him, asking him what he was doing. At first he tried to make me think it was an accident, but then he brought up my three-year courtship with Silas. Someone in town must have told him about it, and he said he couldn’t believe that Silas had never touched my breasts.” She wiped away more tears. Talking about this, especially in front of Silas, made it hard to stop the emotion from bleeding through. “Then Jesse told me that was how guys ‘try it on’ with women, to see how far they can go before being stopped.”

  “Silas, does knowing how this happened change how you feel at all?” Carter asked.

  “Not really,” he said. “It never dawned on me while I was in jail those months that someone might be courting her.

  “It hurt to find that out, and I can’t get past seeing that man touching her, or kissing her. She’s mine. She’s always been mine. It makes me want to find him and beat him to a pulp. I also find it hard to believe she thought I wasn’t coming back. I have a home and a business here in Hays. Of course, I’d be coming back.”

  “But not necessarily to me,” Cassie added.

  “Of course to you,” he said, looking straight ahead. “There was never anyone besides you.”

  “I didn’t know that. Thoughts went through my mind as I lay in bed each night. I envisioned you going back to get the annulment and Belinda talking you into staying married, or that you deciding you loved her after all, or that maybe you weren’t truthful about not having a wedding night and perhaps you shared a child. You could have met someone else—I didn’t know!”

  Silas remained silent, listening.

  Carter addressed them again. “Silas, I feel that you are harboring resentment. It is normal for someone to feel resentment toward the person who caused him or her unbearable pain. It’s your emotion’s way of warning you to avoid future pain by setting person aside, at least for now. You’re afraid of facing this hurt, and afraid of future hurts. We need to find a way for you to let go of it, and realize that Cassie would never have hurt you deliberately. She admits her mistake,” Carter paused for effect, “and no real harm was done. It isn’t as if they slept together, or did any heavy romancing—nothing like that happened. Cassie wouldn’t have allowed it. I feel sure of that from what she has said.

  “I fear that Silas’s resentment and anger may place a permanent wedge between you both. “ Carter turned to Silas. “You have to get over it, Silas. Think about this: do you want to spend the rest of your life wishing you had done things differently?

  “Unless you two can work things out yourselves before,” he paused, “we’ll meet again on Monday at six. Goodnight.” He stood, ending the session.

  Cassie and Silas walked out of the Reverend’s house, and into the cold November night. Cassie pulled her collar up against the wind. She mounted her horse, and said to Silas, who was also mounting his horse, “I’ll continue waiting for you on the bridge.”

  Silas had a lot to think about as he rode home. Did he really want to live the rest of his life without Cassie? Yes, he did, because he was angry and hurt by her actions, but he still loved her. He had to admit that, had he not loved her, it wouldn’t hurt so much. Carter had warned that if he let his resentment and jealousy get the best of him he’d spend the rest of his life regretting it. Silas tried to envision the rest of his life without Cassie. He had a business here, so he couldn’t very well pack up and leave.

  Eventually, she’d find someone else to court and marry. Would he be able to watch that happen? No, he couldn’t. So what should he do about it? How could he fix this?

  Cassie began her journey home after the meeting, with sadness in her heart. Just seeing Silas, yet not being able to be with him felt odd. She wiped at her tears and nudged her horse on toward home.

  In November, darkness came early and Cassie always felt uneasy riding at night. The clouds had obscured the moon, causing it to be darker than usual, and she found it hard to see the trail. Knowing that her horse, Moses, knew his way back home, she loosened the reins and let him lead the way. As she rode along, she went over all that had happened in counseling and felt it had been a complete waste of time. Everything that was said tonight she ran through her mind. Should she have said that? Should she have mentioned how she cried each night he was gone? What could she have said that she hadn't already?

  A shot rang out near where she rode, startling her as well as the horse. Before she had time to react, Moses had reared in fright, and she felt herself slipping from the saddle.

  Meg and Carl had kept Nellie overnight, something they did often, and Meg had just come down the stairs after tucking her in when she heard the cuckoo clock in the living room and realized it was already nine o’clock. Where was Cassie? What could possibly be keeping her?

  She went out on the porch and looked down the path. Where could she be? Had she and Silas made up? Could she have stayed awhile longer to be with him?

  Meg was pacing the porch when she heard a strange noise coming from the direction of the barn. There was hardly any moonlight, so she lighted a lantern and went to investigate. That was when she saw Moses pawing the ground in front of the barn door, wanting insid
e.

  Where was Cassie?

  Meg ran in to tell Carl that Cassie was missing and she was riding to get Jesse. She mounted Moses and sped through the fields in the direction of Jesse’s house.

  Jesse and Meg searched the trail from the house to the church, but there was no sign of Cassie. “Maybe she let Moses lead her back,” Jesse suggested. “I’ve seen her do that a few times at night. She loosens the reins and lets him trot home, if something scared the horse and she wasn’t holding the reins tight…”

  “How will that help us find her?” Meg asked.

  “Well, because it’s possible the horse would take the same route,” Jesse said.

  “Let’s do it,” Meg said.

  An hour later, after having followed Moses on two trips back from the church, they finally found Cassie, lying unconscious in a field, about a quarter of a mile from home. Luckily she had worn the white coat, which made it easy for Jesse to spot her, otherwise they may never have found her in time. Jesse gently lifted her onto his horse and raced back to the ranch with her lying limply in his lap. Meg cried the whole way home, fearing they’d lost her.

  Once home, Meg cleaned her wounds and put her to bed, while Jesse rode into town to get Doc Hall.

  Meg undressed Cassie and tried hard not to move her unnecessarily, or bump the gash and lump on her forehead. Cassie did not move, but she was breathing. Meg was hopeful that she’d wake up soon and tell them what had happened.

  When Doc Hall finally arrived, he shooed Meg and Jesse out of the room so he could examine her. When he finally came out into the hall, he simply shook his head.

  “It’s not good,” he said. “She has a serious concussion and I don’t know whether she’ll come out of it; I haven’t had much experience with head injuries. If she doesn’t respond within a reasonable length of time, I’ll send for a specialist from Topeka or Kansas City. I do know that if there’s brain swelling, and it doesn’t go down…” he hesitated to finish his sentence.

  Meg started to cry. "Can you get the specialist now?" she asked. "I don't want to chance the wait."

  “All right. I’ll wire someone right away. Meanwhile, keep her warm. She needs plenty of water, but she can’t really drink it. You’ll have to wet a cloth and try to squeeze some liquid into her mouth and keep her lips moist.” He took his glasses off and cleaned them with his handkerchief. “I’m sorry I can’t give you more hope, Meg.”

  Jesse held his mother while she cried. “We’ll pray, Ma. She’ll be all right, you’ll see.”

  The day after the counseling session with Carter, Silas made the decision to show up at the bridge that night at six. He’d prayed, and talked with Oliver and Beth who helped him to imagine a life without Cassie. Oliver made him realize that he’d been foolish for not seeing that Cassie clearly never felt anything for the impostor, and that she despised him as much as Silas did.

  Beth explained how a woman thinks and feels, which helped him to see things through Cassie’s eyes. Beth also told him Cassie would never wonder what it was like to kiss another man, because now Cassie knew that no one could make her feel like he could. All these things made him realize that a life where he’d never feel her kisses again, or her body close to his, would be a living hell. It woke him up to the fact that if he didn’t do the right thing by Cassie—someone else would.

  Would he allow that low-life impostor to ruin both their lives? That man wasn’t worthy enough to have that kind of power, and Silas vowed he’d not give it to him either.

  Silas trotted down the path to the Collins house as the sun was making its way below the horizon. He went straight past the house and down the narrow path to the bridge. He tied his horse to the old elder tree, dismounted, and walked toward the bridge. He stopped in the middle of it, right where he and Cassie usually stood, and leaned forward on the rail. He listened to the comforting sound of the water, not yet totally frozen, trickling over the rocks. This had to be the most serene place in the world. It was peaceful, and the sound was soothing. He waited, but Cassie did not appear, and it was already pitch dark. Had she given up on him? His cold-hearted attitude last night must have cooled her feelings, and he had no one to blame but himself.

  Should he go home or go to her house and find out why she wasn’t here?

  He got on his horse and trotted up to the house. A few rooms had dim light showing in the windows, so he knew they were home. He hitched his horse and walked up onto the porch, but hesitated, wondering if this really was what he wanted to do. It would have been so much easier at the bridge, he thought, given all of the pleasant memories they’d made there. Now, he’d be forced to try and make an awkward reconciliation in front of Meg and Carl.

  He shrugged. Having made up his mind that he had to do it, he had to be now. He knocked on the door, but no one came rushing to answer. He knocked again, only this time louder, and then finally he heard footsteps.

  Meg opened the door. She held the oil lamp high so she could see his face, and then she gasped when she recognized him and quickly opened the door wider to allow him to enter.

  “Silas!” She hugged him.

  He wasn’t expecting such a warm welcome.

  “Did you come to see how Cassie was doing? There is no change, I’m afraid.”

  “What?” Silas’s heart thumped wildly. “What do you mean? Is she ill?”

  Meg looked surprised. “You haven’t heard? I thought Jesse would have ridden out to let you know about the accident.”

  “Accident?” Silas felt the blood rush from his face. “What happened?”

  “We aren’t sure, but she never made it home from your meeting last night. Moses returned home without her. We found her lying in a field. Jesse thinks something must have spooked the horse, and he threw her.”

  Silas gasped. “It’s my fault. I should have accompanied her.” He closed his eyes and swallowed hard. “How bad is it?” He braced himself for the answer by holding onto a nearby chair.

  “Bad. She hasn’t regained consciousness at all.”

  “I came tonight to right things between us.” He looked at Meg, pleading with his eyes. “Can I see her?”

  Meg hesitated. “I don’t know. Doc said no visitors except family, but maybe your presence will help. Come with me.” She pulled him toward the stairs by his arm.

  Silas felt physically ill when he saw his Cassie lying on the bed, her face as white as the sheets. She had a bandage wrapped around her head, and another on her left leg and one on her left arm. Silas fell into the wooden chair beside her bed. He touched her pale hand and lifted it to his mouth, and kissed it.

  “I’m sorry,” he whispered. “I went to the bridge tonight. I’m so sorry.” For the first time since he was a boy, Silas cried. He laid his head upon her mattress, clutching her lifeless hand, while he sobbed.

  Why did he have to be so stubborn and unforgiving?

  He didn't deserve someone like Cassie.

  What could he possibly do to bring her back?

  Why did he let her ride home in the dark alone? Why had he felt too sorry for myself to give it a second thought?

  He prayed aloud: “Dear Heavenly Father, please heal Cassie, because I love her more than words can say. Please mend her body and let her wake up. Father, also forgive me for being so wrapped up in my own hurt to think about anyone else. Heal my Cassie, Lord. Please bring my Cassie back. I promise You I will never hurt her again. In Jesus', holy name I pray. Amen.” He turned when he heard Meg say, “Amen,” along with him, for he’d forgotten she was there.

  “I’ve been sitting up with her all day and all last night, and frankly, I’m exhausted. Would you sit with her tonight so I can catch up on some sleep?” Meg asked.

  “Of course, I will.”

  “There’s a pitcher of fresh water on the table. You’ll need to keep wetting her lips, and squeezing water into her mouth. Keep talking to her, Silas. Doc Hall said he doesn’t know how deep her unconsciousness is, and maybe she’ll hear you.” Meg showed him ho
w to give her the water and then left them alone.

  Chapter 13

  Silas sat with Cassie all night, he constantly prayed, he talked, and he prayed even more. She never moved, not even a flicker of an eyelid. Frequently throughout the night, he kissed her forehead, and rubbed her hand. He felt so helpless.

  In the morning Meg came and told him to go downstairs and have some breakfast with Carl.

  Silas went downstairs, but he wasn’t hungry. He rode home and slept a few hours then washed, dressed, and rode back to sit with Cassie.

  On his way upstairs, he ran into Jesse in the living room. Silas nodded to him and tried to pass by him, but Jesse yanked him back by the arm.

  “Why did you let her ride home alone?” he said between his teeth.

  “Because I’m not worth the ground Cassie walks on, and because I was too wrapped up in my own pain to think about her or anyone else. If you want to punch me, I’ll let you. I deserve it.”

  Jesse stared at him, the snarl on his face slowly lessening.

  “Go on,” Silas pointed to his jaw, “right here is a good spot.”

  Jesse shook his head. “You aren’t worth it, and I might injure my hand.” He turned his back on Silas.

  “Jesse,” Silas said. “I don’t blame you for being angry. I was such a fool.” His voice broke with emotion. “I pray for the opportunity to make it up to Cassie.”

  Jesse spun around. “As do I. How do you think I feel? I was as much to blame for opening my big mouth.”

  Silas shook his head. “It isn’t your fault, Jesse. I take the full blame for this. I would have found out sooner or later anyway.”

  “Thank you,” Jesse said and left him.

  Silas sat by Cassie’s bedside another night. He rubbed her hands, he kissed her forehead and he told her he loved her, over and over.